ex-SMKBBS BBQ @ Bagan Lalang~250409

25th of aprl ari tu..member2 smkbbs ajak g bbq kt bagan lalang..so aku pon men itot je..lgpon sgt lama xjmpe dowg kn..ade yg nk dkat 6 7 thn laaa..
so yg g adalah: Epul, Adi, Che Din, mmber Che Din, Syamil n member die, Helmi rosli n gf, kaber n scandal, amer, din otam, faiz, anas, afzan, dll~tah spe g...hihihi





sgt best lpak dgn mereka..agak hilang jg la probs jiwe kco aku..nk2 afta tgk pantai..lg best..hihihi...hopefully afta this akn ade bnyk g plan we all...~~actualy they all nk p pangkor n langkawi nnt..but for surely aku xg..adesss...sgt buhsan kot...

outing with liza..hakim..sobrie and phil @ 240409

on the way to Medan MARA..si philip nih teringin nak makan Sate Kajang..huhuu~~lagipon die nk blnje..sooo~~we all itot je...ngeehehehe..
nih xtaw la pe nama pose..~~pose mak xkose nk lyn ko nyah..!!

sume gaya ala2 pelahap gilo nih...rupe cm xmakan 10 tahun dah..huahuahua..nk2 yg tongah2 tuh...si philip lak asik gedik je..wat aksi2 manje la kunun..hihihi...

we all sgt lapo tp masih mampu wat muke ayu n sopan yek..xmacam gambar sebelomnye...nih phil blnje eskrem famous amos lak..huhuhuhu..asik owg blnje je kn...ngehehehe....cube tgk phil btul2..cm pakai liptit..~~lpstick..

ape2 pon..xkisah secrazie ane member2 aku nih..aku ttp syg dowg sgt2~~bkn sebab dowg blnje aku je..but sbb dowg wat aku happy..thnx guys..

stress..!!

probs with my so-called-best buddie dh ok..probs fmly pon dah nmpak sinar skit~~huhu..bukan lagu sinar may ok(teringat si faez and epul nyanyi..macam nk telan mic je..seram!!)
but then..adess,assignment sgt bnyk kot!!!~~sume nye kje lame2 yek..tu laaa,mama dh pesan jgn suke tangguh2 keje..nih kan dh jd sakit jiwe nk memikiokan cne nk menyiapkan sume lam 1 malam...huaaa..tu laa..sgt bijaksana kununnye...
WTF!!!! sume nk kne anta sok lak tuh...cm nk tercabut palo den...dado pon cm nk pocah dh..migrain lak tu..~~sbb xtto 1 ari..~~
ade 3 assignmnt nih..sempat kew nk siapkan sume mlm nih?

Bad day + Good day= my life2

sambung dari entry semalam~~

just before i went to malacca..i had a fite wth my "best buddie"..and afta that arguements, i cried my heart out..dunno y..i felt so damn depressed...and im realy afraid of losing my "best buddie"...
shit!! nape la antara kawan2 pon nak wat muke taik ar??adess...even de masalah,kongsi la kan..apa gune member if xblh nk kongsi probs???

Bad day + Good day= my life

as i wuz writting this entry, i am on my way to meet someone that i had left 2 3 years ago..a guy that had showed me a new side of love..new meaning of "opposite gender relationship"..

he wuz my classmate back in standard 4, when i wuz in SKBBS..and we stayed in the same school till standard 6 and till high school..

he wuz a quite guy, didnt talked too much~talk only when he thnks he needs to..
he wuz a smart student..a great friend and mate..although what we had wuz juz a temporary, short-term relationship, but he taught me so many things..~miss ya babe...

~~2 b continue...

gelagat teman crazieness~part1

huahuahu..tujuan entry kali ini adalah untuk memalukan n mempopularkan teman2 crazieness aku..~~huahuahu~gelak setan ni!!

LIZA

Minah ni antara dak pompuan pertama yg aku rapat kt COSMO..sgt comel~~thats y dia antara ahli CLub aku~~CLUB si comel somel tomel chubbie tubbie fluffie flubbie cutie sweetie...~~made by me ya..
die agak sensitip..cepat gelabah juge..panic..if keje lam keadaan tertekan..die pon akn menekan diri die~smpai nanes kdg2..(aku pon cmtu juge,kdg2 la..huhu..)..sgt2 la SOPAN lam pe je die wat..(aku sgt tensen dgn ni ye..slalu..geram tunggu die..!!~~2 liza,ni ikhlas dr ati yg suci..huhu..jgn mare..)
klo aku dok cite sal liza, satgi blog aku tros kne tukaw nama jd liza lak kn..so skit2 je..
but she's a nice girl..adik yg bek ok..pe akk die ckp,die cye je..(~~sumtimes die kne di-olok2kn oleh aku yg comel nih...muahahah!!) she's one of the closest person..yg akn sentiase dgr probs aku..~~fmly la..cintan cintun ...jiwe kaco la...

AINA

nih lagi sowg berpangkat adik juge..agk sengal + diva vogeh..huhuh..asyk ngaku diri die datin paduka aina je..dh psg cte2 nk tawen dgn dato la tuh..~~sgt gatai..~
aina nih mule2 knal nmpk cm,adess...kekanak riang je..huhu..lama2 upenye cm aku juge..molot pon muleh tahan lazer star wars gak...happy go lucky..bt ble nanes cm sgt sememeh..!! sgt kecoh juge...die juge ahli CLUB si comel somel tomel chubbie tubbie fluffie flubbie cutie sweetie...pengalaman hampir sama tp xserupa...masih sgt naif..huhu..gile2...

but sama cm liza..die ni pon salah satu tmpt aku luahkn perasaan dan teman prasan~~hihihi...

PHILIP

huahuahua~~lom ckp sal die lg tp aku dh nk tergelak terbahak2..mamat nih sgt clown ok..if we all bad mood, die la tukang wat gelak..huhu..dunno wat will happen when we're in blue if xde die..kdg2 die cm sgt2 lurus..~~tp bdn die mmg lurus,huahuahua..dh cm papan plywood dh..~~jgn mara phil,nnt i jual u!!! plg spesel kt die..TAIK LALAT!!! mkin ari mkin buncit..wakakak...
agk kelam kabut, cpt panic..gagap..suke wat hal sdri..suke wal lawak 18++..huhuhu..ade je bnde die nk ckp..muke xmaluu...
but kerana ade kwn2 cm die n yg len2 la wat aku happy sgt2...penyeri hdop aku di cosmo...

ABDUL KHALIQ

die juga antara teman yg plg aku syg...syg kamu sgt bgt..die teman aku untuk borak2 ttg politik..business..economy..duniawi...mcm2 aku blh ckp dgn die..stdy lg...ape2 yg we all kurang taw or xphm, die la tmpt we all belajar..hihi..~~thnx bgt..~~kdg2 assmnt group pon die plg bnyk contribute..mgkn molot die sgt la sama mcm pompuan,bebel kuat..lazer sgt2..ala2 darth vader..hihi..bt hati die agk baik..sgt ptgkn kwn2 die..walaupon kdg2 die nye pe'el sgt mnyakitkan mata n dado den..trime je la...huhuhu..bt plg spesel kt mamat nih..~HIDONG PENYANGKOT BAJU..wakakaka...
dia ajar aku untuk lebh berdikari n jgn hrap sgt pd lelaki...n jgn cpt sgt suke owg..!!!

SURIAH

ni sama baya dgn aku..bt dak2 sume kte die mak tiri sbb agk garang..suke pkul ktowg~~sbb we all suke wat lawak 18++..~~huhuhu..n die suke sgt2 la bebel kn ktowg yg mmg nakal tahap dewa kure2..huhuhu..xblh wat ape la suria..kitowg mmg dh xbtol pale ni..hihih...

but krn die suke bebel la kdg2 kje we all siap..sbb~~penat dgr die bebel..huhu..jahaaaaaaat aku nih...
HAKIM

nih pon adik aku juge..huhuhu~~bnyk adik kn..tp len mak bpk yee...~~die nih sgt la sensitip kose infiniti..cepat melatah..cepat trase..cepat hangen..cepat pkol2 we all yg comel2 nih..klo die pkol2 tu hilang lmak kt we all ni xpo la kn..nih saket je rse..tuttt tol!!huhuhu...
but he's a nice guy..slalu tulun2 aku time aku ssh~~nk2 time nga sengkek..nk karaoke2...tgk muvie..heeee..~~~thayunk ko lbh ckit je...muahahahah!!!!

ade bnyk g..but nnt la smbg..satgi koje xsiap..blog je berlambak...

wa chow loo beb..chow chin chow..tata..titi..tutuh...
bak kate nabil.."Lu pkio lew sendiri beb!!"

TABAH

WALAU BERAT MENGATUR LANGKAH
HARUS DIKAU TERUSKAN TABAH
RIBUT MELANDA ONAK DUKA LARA
ITU DUGAAN INI KEHIDUPAN

PERCAYA KATA HATI SUNCIMU
YAKINLAH AKUAN SUMPAH JANJIMU
BUKTIKAN
DENGAN TEKAD KESABARAN
HARAPAN CITA CITA
SEMOGA BERJAYA

WAHAI HATI KU BERJANJI
KUATKANLAH SEMANGAT DIRI
TAK AKAN BERAKHIR PERJUANGAN INI
ITU DUGAAN ITU RAHMAT TUHAN

CEKALKANLAH
KEKUATAN JIWAMU
HILANGKAHLAH
KERISAUAN DIRIMU

another session of luahan hati 2

another lonely nite of mine
dunno why lately im having too much free time till im bloggin every day..(some of my blogs havent been posted yet..hihi..)
this is the only thing that can hear all i want to say..what's in my head..my heart..what im feeling..
it wont judge me like some people did..

im weak..yes indeed..im just another normal human being..
im easily to fall in and out of love..
i tend to get too 'mesra' with u..i admit it...
i tend to show u how much i love u..always..
i used and always tell myself that ur not worth it...
i always try to make myself realize that ur not the one for me...
i always try to realize that u dont belong to me..
im trying my very best to accept the fact that im only a 'platonic girlfriend' of urs..
im trying to accept the fact that u only need me when ur lonely..
when im gone, u wont n never realize it...

im not a robot..i av feelings too,just like u...
im not a toy that can be played around with...im a girl who owns a very fragile heart...
im not a motel...where u can come and go anytime u want..

im just like a puzzle that have been torn all apart...
i know i've been saying bout 'no more sad love story post'..
i know i have been promising myself and all my friends that i wont think bout u anymore..
that i wont shed a tears for u anymore..
that i wont be missing u anymore...
i wont be thinking bout u anymore...
i wanna erase whatever we had..
i wanna let it all go away..

but its really hard..to let go the feeling that have been kept..and developed for years...
its really hard to admit that u dont love me the way i love you..
its damn hard difficult to admit that im just a toy for you..
and its killing me inside, every second of my life to admit that im still in love with u..no matter how u treat me, how sad u made me..how much did u hurt me...how u ignore me..how u didn't appreciate me..when u take me for granted..how much its suffocating me just to smile in front of u, to make u happy even though im cryin deep inside my heart???

i dont want to rely on guys..
i belong to me..to myself..remember??
i can live my life for my family..for my friends..
i wont live my life for u anymore...
im gonna try my best...this is my promise to myself..
no matter how hard its gonna be..no matter how crazie i will be..no matter how much i cry..
im gonna try to let it all go away from my life..

i wanna live a new life...
plz..let me do it on my own way..

New hopes and dream..

tonite there wont be anymore 'sobb..sobb..my love is gone..' story..
i think i've had enuf of being so damn lembik..moody...sakit hati and etc juz bcoz of him..his not even worth all this..he doesnt feel anything, but aku lak yg nk sedih gile sewel nape kan...
so better end up now..tumpang masih awal..rather than tggu2..satgi aku jadi penunggu...aite..

so..where shud i begin...
hurm..im turnin 22 this june..i think its better for me to try make up my mind bout what i really want in my life...what i want to achieve...it is a big move..a big step to take..
im starting to change my life by taking a small step first..that is letting go my 'so-called-forbidden-love'...

i want to move on..ive been hurt by the guy that i love..and i too have hurt him before..now is his time..his chances to feel the happiness of being loved by someone...he will remain as my closes friend eva..love u..(as friend k..!!)

i want to start to love myself even more..appreciate myself..take a gudcare of myself..respect myself and put myself first...
i want to love my fmly evn more..wth all my heart..gve them all my life..rather than giving my heart to that guy, its better for me to give it to my fmly n friends aite..

hopefully my dreams come true as i will work my ass on making it a reality..hihi...
but first..assignment haros disiapkan!!!!

ganbattEEEEE!!!!!!

tak bisa memiliki...

Apakah yang engkau cari
Tak kau temukan di hatiku
Apakah yang engkau inginkan
Tak dapat lagi ku penuhi
Begitulah aku
Pahamilah aku
Mungkin aku tidaklah sempurna
Tetapi hatiku memilikimu sepanjang umurku
Mungkin aku tak bisa memiliki
Dirimu seumur hidupku

Tiada Lagi...

sia-sia sudah kita jalin cinta
bila hati selalu berbeda
sampai kapan lagi
ku harus menahan
rasa kecewa di dalam dada
seandainya kita masih bersatu
tak mungkin kan menyatu
walau masih ada sisa cinta
biarkan saja berakhir sampai disini
tiada lagi yang ku harapkan
tiada lagi yang ku impikan
biar aku sendiri tanpa dirimu
tiada lagi kata cinta ku
takkan klagi ku bersamamu
biarku simpan semua
kenanganku bersamamu...

to the guy that i love..
this will be the end of us..as i said, losing me wont caused u as much pain of losing the other girls(u know who aite..)
u av plenty of candidates that can replace me..
u wont even realize that u already losing me...
but no matter what, u still av a special place in my heart..

road taken...

it was supposed to be road not taken aite..but thats the famous poem..wrote by famous poet..
im no gud at writing poem..

but..this is what im feeling now..
ive finally (hopefully it will b the final decision n wont eva change a bit..)made my decision..
to let go of this feeling i av inside my heart..
to erase all the sweet memories i had wth him..
to finally lose the love i have for him...
to avoid myself from missing him...
to stop myself from thinking bout him..
stop hoping on him...

its hurting me badly..
its making me crazie..
its tearing me apart..
my heart been crash to pieces..
im outta my mind...
cant even think rationally..
cant even put a fake, pathetic smile on my face anymore...
cant believe that the feeling have to be erase..

wtf!!hate myself more than anyone else..for loving him...

another session of luahan hati..

i thought LOVE wuz always a wonderful feeling..
throughout the journey..
there will only be smiles of joy and happiness..
thought the sky will be much clearer..
thought each problems will be much easier to handle..
thought i will be the happiest person alive juz by loving him..

but..
i never thought it will be full of obstacles..
never thought that my life will be filled with tears and not smiles of joy..
never thought loving someone can be this hard..
never thought waiting for the one u love..loves u back will be so damn hurting..

seeing him wth someone else tore me apart..
thinking bout how much happier he will be wth that girl makes me cry..
glad and happy...for him..
as he have someone that will love him..cherish him..makes the smile on his face never fade away..
but at the same time..
my heart's been torn all apart...
the girl he love wuz not me..
im juz a substitute...
but still..
even the attention..the care he gave juz last for a week..
im happy..
coz i got the chance to love him..n the chance to see him every single day..

whomever win his heart..
i wish best of luck..
n all the love in the world for both of u..
i'll be happy when he's happy...
even i can only love him from a distance..
its enuf..as loving him cam make me much happier..
even he's not with me..
even im not his girl..
n even im not his love...

my so-called-love-story...

I keep looking at only you
Even though there's someone else by your side
Like always
only you in my eyes
My heart is filled with only you,
Once in awhile,
when you giving me passing smile
I think about that smile the whole day
Do you get it?
If your girl was me,
if my love was you

I want to love
I want to have you
Even though i can't say the words
That i prepared all night
You're the only one for me
The only one who makes me cry
The one who makes my heart flutter
It's okay if it hurts
Even if i can't have you
I'll stay behind you
And live cherishing only you
It's okay because i love you...

What do you like so much about your girl
That you're always laughing when you see her
I guess I'm a helpless girl
I'm so jealous of her

Even though i promise not to
My eyes look to only you
My heart has gone crazy
It looks only you
Even though i shouldn't fall in love with you
It's only you, only you
No matter how much I wish it
It probably won't make a difference
I want to go back..
I'll let you go
That girl is really loveable
It's okay if it hurts
Even if i can't have you
I'll stay behind you
And live cherishing only you
It's okay because i love you...

dugaan

hidup memang penuh dengan dugaan..itu mmg lumrah..dan menjadi tanggungjawab manusia untuk menghadapi tiap dugaan dgn pnuh rse ikhlas..sabar..mcm2 lg..
hidup aku jg xpernah lekang dari dugaan dan cabaran hidup..bak kata yasser, "allah sentiasa sayang umat die..die bg dugaan sbb die syg kte..die nk tgk kite ni tabah dan sabar x hadapi dugaan tu..kte ingt die tak tiap kali berdepan keadaan susah senang.."
aku masih ingt tiap kata2 die..

lepas satu..satu masalah datang..aku cuba untuk jadi kuat..walaupun sebenarnya aku x sekuat mana..tapi bila aku terbyg mama abah..adik2 aku..aku kena jugak jd kuat..aku xboleh nangis depan diorg..aku xboleh merungut..aku xblh bersedih dpn diorg sbb aku adlh smgt diorg...aku kne kuat..

tapi kdg2..aku trase nk berhenti jap..jap je..aku nk lepaskan tiap rasa yg ade lam hati..aku nk ngs sepuas2nya..aku juga manusia bisa..aku xsekuat mana..aku x setabah mama..tah la..dugaan kali btul2 berat..sgt2 berat..apa yg blh aku wat ???!!!

feelings i have inside

perasaan sayang tu dtg dgn tbe2..aku pon xtaw cmne..ble bnde tu dtg..
aku suka dia dari hari pertama aku kenal dia..dan perasaan tu masih ada sampai hari ini..tah la..aku xtaw mcm mana aku blh suke die..sgt pelik..sedangkan waktu tu aku ada yasser..tah la..(cite lama...malas nk ingt..)

makin lama, hubungan we all yg pd mulanya 'FRIENDSHIP' sj jd makin rapat..mungkin salah aku..sbb aku yg terlalu rapat dgn die..terlalu ikotkan hati..(skunk aku yg sakit hati..!!!!)

die antara best friend aku..(its realy damn weird ble suke best friend sendiri ok..!!!) die dah berpunya..so aku rasa sgt bersalah sbb rapat gile dgn die..and i was supposed to put a distance to our 'so-called-friendship'..but makin rapat lak jdnye...
die temper gile..suke cakap lepas(ikot sedap molot je..kdg2 rse cm nk bg mkn sliper pon ade..!!)..garang..suke control..mcm2 laaa...but still aku blh suke mangkok nih...(bute btul aku nih..!!)

he'd asked me once..infront of my friends...'u perlukan i x?'..and my answer,' i akan perlukan u selagi u perlukan i..but bile u dh sure u xperlukan i lagi, then i pon xkn perlukan u lg..'

but now..afta a few incidents lam 'so-called-friendship' we all..aku dpt rase yg we're drifting apart..dont know why..apart of me..im so damn happy, glad that we're finally wont be sooo close anymore..but aprt of me, keep on missing that moments we've been together..i know i should'nt be like this..thinking bout this..feeling what im feeling now..but i juz cud not help it...whenever i thought about losing him, i'll burst to tears...huhuhu...sgt kanak2 ok..

im praying to allah that he will make this feeling fade away..make my tears go away..he's just a friend and will remain as my friend..not more nor less...

KLMU/CiCT 14th Convocation @ PWTC

sangat penat hari ni..semalam time wat assignment,tbe2 leh blackout lak..adoi,sgt sengal..but then again, stil manage to complete it..
then subuh2 kne bgn n gerak gi cosmo..kol 7 lbh lg diana and AK dh tggu kt college..huhuhu..sowie la yek sbb tpakse tggu ketibaan YB umera nih...huhuhuhu..(lam ati suke bgt..!!)
then smpai je kt pwtc,owg sgt ramai..mcm2 pe'el..huhu..tahan jew la...but then again, we all yg exited gle..cm we all yg grad..wakakakak...jaaat...sempat posing2 amik gambor..(actualy ni je kje kitowg...)
now kne bertungkus lumus siapkan sume kje tertangguh dek projek dadih last week...